6.04.2014

It's Summer Break and I'm Sucking At It

So. I have been on summer break for roughly one week (give or take a couple days) and I actually thought to myself today: "I wish school was still in session."

This is essentially the equivalent of saying I get paid too much.

So basically, instead of being all...

Sourcey Source
about summer break, I'm sitting here being....

Sourcey Source #2
And it kinda sucks.

And by the way - I know, these are champagne problems and I realize there are people who read this who are probably thinking to themselves, "Oh poor you. You have two months where you don't have to work. Here's the world's tiniest violin playing a sad song. Boo hoo." I get it - I'm kind of a jerk for complaining about this. I'm sorry.

But still...

I have a few theories as to why this summer break feels so...weird and not Sound of Music-like. They are as follows:

1. There is something mentally wrong with me. I think this may be the most obvious of the reasons, and I won't say it's not a cause of my anxiety.

2. I'm not entirely happy with how the school year ended. To be honest, I felt like I dropped the ball on the last unit, mostly due to burn out (ironic, then, that I want to keep working) and running out of time to get things done. "Grading? What grading? I'm trying to survive over here."

3. I'm not moving this summer. This is the first summer of many years that I am not unpacking as we speak. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I might just pack up my dishes just so I can unpack them and make things feel normal.

4. School was actually functioning as a distraction for me and now I don't know how to distract myself. Life sometimes sucks and/or is confusing and/or is really hard to deal with. In the past few months, I've had to deal with a close friend with cancer, boy stuff, school board drama...work helps me channel my frustrated/angry/anxious energy into something productive.

5. I miss the routine. Maybe not the 5 am wake up time. Maybe not the 9 pm bedtime. Maybe not the complete exhaustion. But I miss having someplace to go, something to do. I feel like a lost little puppy.

6. I miss my students and co-workers. As an introvert, this is crazy for me to say, but: I miss interacting with so many people on a daily basis. I miss having conversations with people and laughing with them all the time. It turns out my tomato plant sucks at discussing current events.

7. Summer break is really different as an adult than it is as a kid. Or even a college student. Everyone is in different parts of their lives: married, in a serious relationship, about to have a kid...and I'm sitting here reading my books. (My parents just got a new cat, so I can make that a life event on Facebook, right?)

8. I'm freaking out about what I'm teaching next year. The thing about teaching is it doesn't matter if it's your first day teaching a subject or your 1,000th, the students are going to expect you to be an expert on the topic immediately. So I'm trying to figure out economics, and then I'll work on trying to figure out what I have to teach about economics and when, and at the same time I'm going to work on creating videos for my US History class.

9. I'm not traveling this summer. There's a camping trip that might happen later in the break, but my spring break trip to San Francisco means I won't be traveling this break. Something about the physical distance and seeing something new helps to make the division between "work" and "break" a bit more clear.

10. I don't actually have a ten, but it felt nicer to end on an even number than on something like 9.

In order to treat this weird affliction, I've decided to do the following: 1. Apply to a temp agency. 2. Harass the telemarketers who keep calling me. 3. Read. 4. When not reading, watch Grand Budapest Hotel (I'm on viewing number 5 and I bought the film yesterday). 5. Start working on next year's curriculum.

Hopefully your summer is going better than mine, and if you wish to donate to my vacation fund so I can take that trip that would save my sanity, you can send blank checks to Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Don't I Wish, USA 55555.

3 comments:

  1. Give it a week. Take a class! That has has always helped me...

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  2. Good call, Clint! I'm actually taking a class on teaching personal finance literacy next week. Economics, here I come!

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